Book Reflections – My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell is an uncomfortable read about paedophilia, written from the perspective of the victim-survivor. We follow Vanessa in two time periods, alternately, as a 15 year old girl at an elite boarding school, and as a 32 year old woman working in a hotel lobby.

Vanessa is socially isolated at the boarding school, and she’s a disorganised dreamer who struggles to do her homework. Her 40 year old English teacher, Mr Strane, grooms her into a sexual relationship. Vanessa is flattered and feels seen by Strane. He emphasises her otherness from the rest of the students, which ensures she maintains her distance from them and her loyalty to him. She feels uniquely dark, why else would she want to have a relationship with a middle aged man she doesn’t find attractive.

Strane cunningly manipulates Vanessa from her first kiss, to oral sex that thrills her body, to staying at his house with the promise that they don’t have to do anything. He does of course rape her that night.

As Strane strengthens his coercive control on Vanessa and repeatedly rapes her, she disassociates from the pain and displeasure. She remains submissive and firmly under his control.

Sadly, as Vanessa grows into adulthood she is unable to break her attachment, addiction even, to Strane. She relies on substances to get through their absences and even when they see each other.

The rape scenes are horrible, the grooming is difficult to read, and the coercive control is angering. It is unsettling to watch Vanessa unravelling as she performs mental acrobatics to maintain her cognitive dissonance that hers and Strane’s is a beautiful love affair and not that she’s his victim and he’s a paedophile. This becomes harder as the #me too movement gathers strength and allegations are made about Strane.

Russell writes empathically about all of her characters and creates a lot of ‘grey’ in what would seemingly be a black and white situation. This book is very interesting and it held my attention. However, considering my work is about family, domestic and sexual violence, it was a bit much for me to read this in my spare time.